It’s pretty quiet today, Earth Day 2013.  Obviously, we eco-warriors need a new approach.

So, this year, in honor of our earth, I’m putting out a hit list.  Grab your poison, your knife, or a sturdy boot.  Invasive species, we’ve got you in our sights, and we’re coming for you.


Got a friend in the NRA?*  This is the perfect opportunity to recruit them to the environmental movement.  Clearly, they’ve got some muscle in congress and the kind of obstinate disregard for public discourse environmentalists could use more of.   And, of course, guns, too.

Invite your NRA pal out to shoot a European Rabbit.**  While you’re out, smash a starling egg or zebra mussel.  Stomp a fire ant.  Rip up some purple loosestrife or kudzu.  Destroy, destroy, destroy.  Because you love our earth.

Happy Earth Day everyone.

* I heard that dismissive snort.  Just because you don’t have any friends whose views differ from your own, doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t.

** Yes, I believe the European Rabbit is an invasive species.  No, I’m not sure you can actually just go out and shoot one right now.  Please check your local hunting regulations.  Ask your imaginary NRA friend about permit requirements and such.