I’ve pretty much kept quiet all week because, with terrible things happening in the Boston area, it seemed frivolous to post something jokey.  Seeing what’s getting forwarded on facebook and twitter, though, it’s obvious that people are eager for some levity.

So, without further ado, I bring you:

The Top Ten Lockdown (and for those in PA: Power Outage) Activities

  1. Turn away from your screens and hang out with your cohabitants, be they friends or family.
  2. Turn the screens back on because what are you going to talk about all day?  Refresh.  Refresh.  Refresh.
  3. Don’t cook but eat, especially the old candy you stashed in a cupboard out of your kids’ reach.
  4. Rearrange your furniture then look through that catalog from the Pottery Barn and take note of all the things you need.  Don’t feel guilty about obsessing about something as shallow as throw pillows.  Throw pillow collecting is your right and maybe even your responsibility.
  5. Pick up some work reading.  Shuffle the pages.
  6. Drink heavily.
  7. Half-heartedly clean your kitchen until you find more candy.  Sure, those B-list Halloween treats aren’t as fresh as the Easter stash, but maybe malt balls have their appeal on days like these.
  8. Look up the status of medical marijuana legislation.  Listen for approaching SWAT teams.  Pull out your pipe anyway because the police really don’t care about pot smoking today.
  9. Post a heartfelt wish for your friends’ and family’s safety.
  10. Post something inane to keep them distracted and entertained.

 

*This blog post should not be construed as an endorsement of any of these activities.  Especially malt ball consumption.

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